Prepper Food Collection

This guy (I’m morally certain it was a guy) was all prepared for the apocalypse or Obama’s death camps, but the Grim Reaper intervened. It might seem pointless to survive long after most of humanity is dead, but maybe a 30 Day Fiesta Bucket will turn that frown upside-down!

Photos by Odekirk’s

These products are shilled by the likes of adulterous televangelist Jim Bakker, and even if you were inclined to line a fraud’s pockets, the reviews from critics are not kind.

The breakfast tacos, nachos, enchiladas, and other Mexican dishes I prepared from the pail’s powdered and freeze-dried ingredient baggies were flavorless at best and vile at worst. While the bucket boasted a 30-year shelf life for the 196 servings of foodstuffs inside, it didn’t take too many test meals before I’d resolved myself to an existence of scavenging and cannibalism in the event of a real apocalypse.

Intrepid VICE correspondent Justin Caffier